


Leather Weather

by buddyonacloud



Category: Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: General Awkwardness, Leather Trousers, M/M, innuendos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-07-22 10:27:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7432814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buddyonacloud/pseuds/buddyonacloud
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And they say size doesn't matter!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leather Weather

**Author's Note:**

> Possibly the stupidest thing I have ever written.  
> I'm sorry.  
> Please don't throw things at me.
> 
> Anyway, this is set in 2008, when they were both cute, young dorks.
> 
> Also, I wrote this at 3am, so let me know if there are any mistakes.  
> Enjoy!

“Miles, I’m stuck.”  
“What d’you mean you’re stuck?!”.  
Alex’s swearing comes muffled through the dressing room and Miles tries to suppress a fit of laughter.  
“I told you it wasn’t a good idea!”  
“Yeah well, sorry to burst your bubble of self-righteousness, but I’m gonna need a hand here!”  
“And what am I supposed to do, exactly?!”.  
Pause, followed by some suspicious squeaking sounds.   
“Mate, are you serious?”  
“Listen, I’m gonna call the shop assistant.”  
“What- _no!!_ Miles, you can’t!”  
“What d’you mean I can’t?! They’re certainly better equipped to deal with this kind of situation than I am!”  
“…”  
“Come on, they must have experienced this before.”  
“I don’t care!! I mean, did you even _see_ what kind of shop is this? This is where rich people buy their clothes! We’re not even supposed to be here in the first place!”  
“What does that even have to do with anything? In fact, as many rich people are also fat fuckers, I’m sure they get stuck in things pretty often.”  
“For fuck’s sake Miles, just shut up and come in!”.  
Hisses Alex, opening the door and grabbing his best friend by his collar, dragging him inside before he can raise any other objection.  
Facing each other in the small space, it takes a couple of seconds before Miles’ eyes notice the inevitable.  
“Fucking hell”.  
He whispers staring at Alex’s crotch, which is much more prominent than he remembered.   
“Yeah, pretty flattering. I would appreciate it more if I could feel my thighs, though”.  
Feeling suddenly embarrassed, Miles looks away.  
“So… now what?”  
“Well, four hands are better than two. Let’s start pulling, the seams have to give in at some point”.  
Alex grabs the infamous trousers by the waist, which prompts Miles to do the same. Alex finds himself staring at his best friend’s hands on his own for a moment, before muttering:  
“Pull them at the ankles, it will be easier this way”.  
Reluctantly, Miles gets down on his knees.  
“I hope you locked the door”.  
Alex laughs, with a hint of desperation.  
“Come on, on the count of three. One, two…!”.  
They both start yanking the trousers down, but to no avail.  
“Fuck, it’s hot in here”.  
Mumbles Alex after a while, wiping the sweat off his forehead.  
“Yeah, and that doesn’t sound ambiguous at all, given the situation.”  
“Shut up and keep pulling!”  
“Wait, I think it’s caving in… maybe we should try with spit or something!”  
“Hey, watch it!”.  
Miles gives the trousers a last, decisive tug… maybe a bit _too_ decisive.  
Alex loses his balance, stumbling and bumping his head on the mirror behind him.  
“Fuck, that _hurt!_ ”.  
He swears, rubbing his nape.  
“Shit Alex I’m sorry, it just seems like that damn thing is literally glued to your legs!”  
“Come here, let’s give it another g-”  
“Is everything all right in there?”.  
They both freeze, looking at each other in horror.  
“Hello? Is everything all right?”.  
The voice repeats itself, now with a slightly alarmed tone.  
“Yeah, uh… sorry, it’s just…”  
“We don’t allow more than one person in a dressing room and I can see two pair of feet through the crack, so I’m gonna have to ask you to come out, please.”  
“Okay, sure, but if you could just give us a min-”  
“I think you’ve had enough time”.  
Now the voice is clearly annoyed.  
There’s a pause.  
“Well, it looks like you’re gonna have to deal with this in the regular way”.  
Miles whispers with a grin, before getting out of the dressing room.  
The shop assistant who forced him out, a tiny blonde girl with red glasses and a ponytail, is looking at him with a strange mixture of impatience and discomfort.  
“You _both_ have to come out, sir.”  
“Yeah well, my friend’s got a problem…”.  
She inhales sharply, closing her eyes for a second.  
“Please don’t make this ugly by forcing me to call the security”.  
Predicting trouble, Miles raises his hands.  
“Wait, no, I’m serious! He’s a bit ashamed y’know, even though I told him it’s nothing… he could use a hand right now. Like, seriously”.  
For some reason, the girl blushes and at this point Miles is starting to feel a bit confused.  
“A hand with _what?_ ”.  
He raises his eyebrows.   
“With an item of clothing…?”  
“Could you be a little more specific?”  
“He got stuck in a pair of your leather trousers.”  
“Oh”.  
She bats her eyelids a couple of times, before repeating:  
“Oh.”  
“Were you, uh… expecting something else?”.  
She lowers her head, her cheeks now bright red.  
“Well, I mean… you were both in that dressing room for a _very_ long time”.  
It takes a while before he realises the full meaning of those words and then it’s his turn to go:  
“ _Oh._ ”  
“…”  
“We weren’t… I mean…”  
“Yes, I understand. Now let me help your friend”.  
She knocks lightly on the dressing room’s door.  
“Sir? Your friend told me about your inconvenience. Please don’t be embarrassed, it happens all the time!”  
“…”  
“…”  
“These things are tight as hell!”  
“Well, they _are_ pure leather, sir. May I come in?”.  
A sigh, followed by capitulation.  
“Yes, please”.  
She joins him in the dressing room, closing the door behind her.  
There are some other squeaking sounds, followed again by the girl’s voice.  
“Okay, I’m gonna need some talcum powder. Just wait here and don’t worry, it will only take a minute”.  
As she runs out of the dressing room and towards the cash register, Miles peeps inside.  
Alex is sitting on the stool in the corner, his hands on his face and the trousers still stuck on his legs.  
“Hey.”  
“Stop smirking, I hate you!”.  
He snaps, but he’s smiling as well.  
“Y’know she thought we were fucking here, right?”  
"What?!”  
“You heard me.”  
“But that’s-”  
“Absurd? Yeah, I told her. It took a while to convince her, though”.  
Alex groans in exasperation, rubbing his thighs.  
“My legs went completely numb ages ago.”  
“Well, at least now we definitely know who wears the pants in our relationship.”  
“Fuck off, Kane”.


End file.
